So, I have been thinking about what to discuss on here for a long time. I think I shall follow the advice I gave one of my graduate students yesterday while setting up his comprehensive questions response: "Organization!" Here we go -
1) The first year is done
I finished my first academic year as a faculty member at UNO after the PhD. I was hoping for some massive revelation on life, some shining light or trumpets or something to mark this milestone. When none of those things happened I realized that, well, I have actually been doing this for a long time. The biggest difference is that a) I was not thinking I really need to get that PhD started (because it is done! See previous posts for details :-) or b) I really have papers to write for class or my dissertation to continue to work on (same as previous). All of that is done. Now I have other things to worry about - where to go out tonight? I wonder what shows are in town this weekend? I really do need to get started on those revisions. For the first time in a LONG TIME, I am quite happy with what is happening now. This is what I signed on for, right? The biggest thing now is the tenure clock.
- One year down, five to go (at least, depending on location)
- six papers presented,
- several panels organized,
- conference events headed up,
- chairing committees on campus,
- teaching classes,
- getting research going,
- still need to get a 2009 publication date on the CV.
This is now what is in my mind. At the same time, though ... I can breathe. I can live. This will be discussed more thoroughly in main point #3.
2) Being in a long-distance relationship with my nephew
I miss Owen. I find that weird. I have only seen the little one for at most a few hours of his entire life, yet I think about him often. I think, perhaps, that my missing of my family (by blood or bond) gets projected on him. I know life for the rest of the family is cooking along at mach speed ... and I am down here. I just want to be the best Uncle I can be. Since there is no manual for such a task, I simply keep him in my thoughts, worry about him, and will find ways to spoil him as much as possible (sorry, Peter and Melissa, but that's my job. If I ever have children, I am sure you will be the same way).
3) "Living" where you are, not where you might/could/imagine yourself to be.
This has been a tough one. When I first accepted the position at UNO and moved to Omaha, I figured it would be a short term gig and I would start hunting for positions closer to the home country as soon as possible. As the year has progressed, however, I am not so sure on that. I have a really unique opportunity here, something that is not often handed over to first-year faculty. I am getting to teach, for the most part, those courses that I do so enjoy teaching ... and it sounds like folks (including me) are finding out that I am good at it. The biggest thing has been relationships. Whether friendship or intimate, we often hold onto people from our home or our last port of call when we move somewhere new as a touchstone, a way for us to navigate the new world we are in. Over the last month, I have come to the realization that that touchstone is me. It is internal, not external. Home is not where you hang your hat, it's where you choose to live. If you choose to live in your mind somewhere else, even if the possibilities are wonderful and you see that idyllic reality calling you, you are intentionally splitting yourself into parts. It took a while and some difficult decisions to recognize that I am here, now. I have arrived here and must keep that focus if I am to become who I am. Call it Adam V3.0. My family is always with me, my friends are near to my heart, but life has blown me to the dead center of the country. I have to recognize that "home" simply signifies those places that just feel right. I think it is ok to have more than one.
So, there are my musings. Sorry it took so long, but I have been on the road, finishing up a semester, and coming to some realizations about my life. Take care, be well, love and respect to all of you!
Cheers! Adam.
